Once you're engaged, it's only natural for your friends and family to start theorizing about what their role on the wedding day will be. Brothers and close friends will probably assume that they're Best Man or Groomsman material. Other fringe-level friends and semi-close cousins might assume they're destined for guest book or gift attendant status. While there's never any reason to be upset about being asked to take part in a wedding, we all know that some positions offer more clout than others. If you don't think you've got what it takes to nail down a groomsman spot, think again. Just like applying for job, a killer resume can always improve your standing.
Not long after I proposed to my wife, we had an engagement party thrown in our honor. At the party, I was presented with a resume outlining one of my good friend's qualifications for being included in the wedding party.
This resume is 100% genuine. All names except myself and my wife's have been changed. We'll call the potential groomsman in question: John Doe.
Co-founder of TheManRegistry.com
April 15, 2007
Dear Chris and Kim,
Congratulations on your recent engagement! It has been a great joy seeing the two of you grow as individuals and, more importantly, as a couple over the past few years. This is one more step on your journey to fulfill your dreams.
I am sure you are considering many qualified candidates for your upcoming ceremony. I would like to express my strong interest in participating in your ceremony in some form or fashion. I have experience in nearly every available position, including candlelighter, reader, personal attendant, gift registry, guest book attendant, bird seed distributor, runner puller, program hander outer, MC, reverend, priest, minister of the court, court jester, groomsmen, matron of honor, best man, ring bearer, holy water sprayer and witness.
I have included a resume for your consideration. It is divided into two parts: a) John Doe Wedding Resume and b) John, Chris and Kim trivia and folklore.
Please feel free to contact me at any time to discuss an available position. References, recorded performances and in-person demonstrations can be provided at your request.
Once again, congratulations on the engagement. Thank you for reviewing these application materials.
To have a small role in celebrating your special day WEDDING EXPERIENCE
2007 Holliday/Jones Wedding - Normal, IL
- Will serve as Usher
- Performance details forthcoming
2006 Brown/Kelly Wedding - Columbia, MO
- Served as Groomsman
- Coordinated beverage service on Wedding Party Trolley
- Danced with both the bride and groom’s mother at the reception
2005 Thomas/Bryant Wedding - Indianapolis, IN
- Served as Best Man
- Speech: “One in a Million”
- Pulled runner down aisle within 1/8” precision
2000 Mantia/Martz Wedding - Springfield, IL
- Served as Groomsman
- Escorted a very lovely Aussie girl down the aisle
- Served as sober driver for the wedding party
1995 Doe/Reavis Wedding - Iowa City, IA
- Served as Best Man
- Speech: “My brother is…”
- Withstood the peer pressure of all of my brother’s older friends and did not get drunk with them before the wedding
1984 Sanders/Ferentz Wedding - Davenport, IA
- Served as Ring Bearer
- Did not trip, fall or sustain any injuries walking down the aisle
- Kept ring in my eyesight at all times, guarding it with my life
PART B) JOHN, CHRIS AND KIM TRIVIA AND FOLKLORE
1) As of this date, neither John, Chris nor Kim have been to the Ivory Coast.
2) Kim and John received degrees from Webster University. Chris is completing his degree program.
3) Kim and John have been Facebook friends for 398 days. John and Chris for 435 days. Chris and Kim for 440 days.
4) Kim’s brother Jimmy is very bad at prank calling people.
5) John’s mom has a secret crush on Chris.
6) Out of John, Chris and Kim, Kim is the only one who drives a non-Ford.
7) Out of John, Chris and Kim, Kim is the only one with highly above average looks. John and Chris are just so-so.
8) Kim says her favorite baseball team is the Royals, but it is really the Cardinals.
9) Kim is named after the actress Kim Fields, who starred as Dorothy “Tootie” Ramsey in the hit TV show The Facts of Life.
10) When Chris was 9 he decided to spell his name with a K instead of a Ch.
11) Kim has formally agreed to a St. Louis Cardinals themed wedding. First pitch to be thrown out by The Sign Guy.
12) Chris, Kim and John are all on the nation’s largest all-digital network, Sprint.
13) If Chris were an animal, he’d be an anteater.
14) John is having trouble coming up with funny things to say.
15) Chris proposed to Kim at Stage III on Webster’s campus.
16) Jack Bauer will be Chris’s best man.
17) Kim Bauer season one is accompanying John to the wedding.
18) Chris and Kim have signed a prenuptial agreement stating that no weddings, events, concerts, plays, drawings, vacations, etc whether for themselves, friends or offspring, will be scheduled in conflict with playoff baseball.
19) As winner of Hoopsheaven March Madness Pool 2007, Pete Jones will be an honorary Groomsman. View the groomsman resume in PDF form