My bro’s getting hitched, and I need a gag gift, but I want it to be something that he can actually use instead of just throwing in the trash later. Any ideas?
ANSWER:
There are some bachelor party gifts that are funny all on their own, like strippers dressed up as clowns. But you can make pretty much any wedding gift funny with the right presentation.
For instance, you can give a nice speech about marriage and ball and chains. And instead of a plastic ball and chain, you can hook your boy up with something bondage or restraint related. There’s a wide range of bondage toys out there. Most of them have nice padded cuffs that tie to the headboard or footboard, and some even fit underneath the mattress for when the in-laws drop by, so he’ll be sure to get a lot of use out of them.
Or if he travels a lot, you can joke about his wife will need something to satisfy her with him gone all the time. And then give him a Clone a Willy kit. This kit lets your friend and his new wife create a realistic dildo shaped just like his actual penis – giving him a way to please his wife even when he’s not home.
The best thing to do is pick one of your friend’s signature traits or some sort of inside joke the two of you share and grab something related. Hope your friend gets a kick out of the gift!
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I'm throwing my best friend a bachelor party. Is it a requirement to give him a gag gift?
ANSWER:
Bachelor party gag gifts are completely optional. As Best Man, you're more than likely dipping deep into your pocket for the party. If you really want to give the groom a fun gift for the bachelor party, we recommend asking the other guests to chip in for a funny t-shirt for the groom to wear.
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My future wife’s planned this huge, stressful wedding. And after that big production’s over, I’m worried I might experience some performance anxiety on the wedding night. Is there anything that can help me rise to the occasion?
ANSWER:
Failure to perform is one of any man’s worst nightmares. And with all the pressure associated with the wedding and the wedding night, there’s a very real risk that you won’t be able to rise to the occasion. While you might be able to cover yourself by taking a blue pill ahead of time, it’s a lot easier to come equipped with a few special aids.
Probably the best way to combat any wedding night jitters is a cock ring. Cock rings fit snugly around the base of your penis, restricting blood flow to give you a longer-lasting erection and somewhat plumper penis. Some cock rings even come with ball straps to help delay ejaculation. And as bonus, a lot of cock rings include a vibrator or clit stimulator that teases your wife’s clit every time you thrust inside her. This way, you can tell your wife that the cock ring’s a fun little extra meant for her pleasure, so she’ll never have to know about your “doubts.” Good luck!
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My fiancée suggested we exchange “dirty gifts” during the honeymoon. I want to get her something really awesome, any ideas?
ANSWER:
It’s hard to beat a rabbit vibrator. Ever since they appeared on Sex in the City, women have been going crazy over these sex toys. Rabbits are very much “do it all” sex toys. The better models feature everything from wiggling tips for G Spot stimulation, rotating shafts for her pussy, multiple vibration speeds, pre-set vibration patterns to cut out the work, and – of course – the infamous vibrating bunny ears for clitoral stimulation.
There’s a huge range of rabbit vibrators out there, so you’ll plenty of options to pick from when it comes to colors, material and the various bells and whistles. I suggest you pick a rabbit vibrator made from silicone, as it’s a more durable and hygienic than one made from rubber or jelly while still being soft and flexible. Look for a rabbit with a waterproof seal so you can use it in the shower and have an easier time cleaning it. And be sure to pick one with several vibration speeds and patterns to keep your new wife on her toes. Vibrators with rotating shafts and tips are pretty common, but you should avoid them if your lover has super-powered kegel muscles. Clenching her vagina while using the vibrator will damage the vibrator’s spinning mechanism and cut back on its lifespan.
Just be sure you don’t cheap out when you pick out the vibrator. Like with everything else, you really get what you pay for when it comes to sex toys. So be sure to spend some money to get a good quality vibrator that will last instead of getting some hunk of junk that will burn out in a month or two.
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What kind of options are out there for wedding night lingerie that I can get for my fiancée?
ANSWER:
Do not – I repeat – DO NOT buy any wedding lingerie for your new wife. To women, wedding lingerie is almost as important as the wedding dress. And any guy crazy enough to think that he can pick out his fiancée’s wedding dress is going to find himself single again in record speed.
That being said, there’s nothing wrong with giving a slight preview of what you can expect. I am completely not exaggerating when I say there are just as many options for wedding night lingerie as there are for wedding dresses. And if your fiancée made you look through an issue of Modern Bride to help plan the wedding, you know what a completely staggering number that is.
While there all kinds of wedding lingerie, the majority of pieces are overwhelmingly white and usually made of silk. The more traditional pieces of wedding lingerie include stockings and garter belts, completely separate from the garter tossing if you did that. The top is some sort of piece (a teddy, bustier or corset) that hugs and shapes your wife’s torso and boosts her cleavage with a built-in bra. Some of the more contemporary pieces of wedding lingerie involve a see-through babydoll or maybe a simple skimpy thong complete with a bridal train hanging over the tush. Instead of pure white, they might feature little pink roses or ribbons.
If you just happen to be looking through a catalog or shopping online and see a piece of lingerie you’d love to see your wife in, then go ahead and buy it. Just don’t give it to her until closer toward the end of your honeymoon or after you get back.
While you shouldn’t buy wedding lingerie for your wife, there’s nothing wrong with buying a little something for yourself! After all the work she’s put into getting her dress and wedding night lingerie all ready for you, it’s only fair you pay her back with something a little sexier than those old frayed boxers. A number of male thongs and pouches come in black and white, mimicking a tux for your package. Or you could get something with a special flap that pops open to reveal your equipment, so you can play dirty peek-a-boo with your new wife all during the honeymoon.
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I’m getting ready to move in with my fiancée and need a good place to hide my porn collection. Any suggestions?
ANSWER:
When it comes to marriage and porn movies, there is one fundamental truth – no matter how good you are at hiding them, your significant other will eventually find your stash. You could build a secret compartment for your adult movie collection in the wall of the garage or bury the porno DVDs on a tropical island with only a treasure map to point the way, and your wife will somehow find them, toss them in the garbage and make you spend the night on the couch.
So the real trick is to not hide your adult DVDs from her in the first place! Trying to hide your porno movie collection, makes it look like a dirty secret you keep from her because she doesn’t “turn you on enough.” While I know that’s not the reason you have a shelf full of adult movies, your wife is another matter all together. So the trick is to be completely open and honest about your porno movie stash, turning it from YOUR dirty secret into a dirty secret that the two of you SHARE. And I’m sure you know how most women are about sharing things…
Sure, there’s a fair chance that your openness will come back to bite you in that she’ll ask you to get of your adult movies anyway. But there’s a far better chance that she’ll appreciate your honesty and understand where you’re coming from. After all, there’s an excellent chance that she’s seen an adult movie a time or two herself. And who knows, she might even have a porn movie collection bigger than yours and trying to find a spot to hide her stash too!
Sharing your adult DVD collection with your fiancée, has a lot of additional benefits as well. Instead of having to wait until she’s at work or off shopping to watch them, you’ll be able to watch the adult movies when she’s around the house too! And instead of your hand for company, odds are that your wife will be right there watching the adult DVD beside you… which makes it that much more likely that you’ll get lucky tonight!
One important note though. Before you move in together, you should sort through your adult movie collection and get rid of some of the outrageous titles, like Jizz-Covered Teenage Anal Princesses for one or anything from Europe or Japan since they do some really out-there stuff. It’s really best to start your fiancée off in the shallow end of the pool and find out where her interests lie before jumping in the deep end.
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